pubes 4 eva

May 16, 2008

Hello,

I am a 26 year old, anglo, sexually active woman, and I shall not shave or wax my cunt ever again. I wax my legs, shave my armpits and pluck my brows. This is all fine and well, but the cunt hair is staying.

I’ve previously spent weeks, months, years - sporting a landscaped, Hustler-ready, dehaired cunt. I gave it a try, I really did. Both shaved and waxed. And it sucked so much I have given it up for all time. This is why:

Firstly, I HATE THE WAY A DEHAIRED CUNT LOOKS.

No, not the between-the-legs labial hidden-treasure bits. But the outside, frontside, visible-while-changing bits.

Tell me, please, which beauty school failure invented something as stupid-looking as the landing strip?

A rectangle of clipped hair looks strange and slightly humorous anywhere on the body, and especially on the genital area, because lets face it, genitals are sort of strange and humorous anyway. But honestly people, how can you look at a tufty genital landing strip with angles that Pythagoras himself would be proud of and keep a straight face?

It’s stupid looking, and you probably know it, even if you haven’t realised it yet.

And due to the design principle of contrast, if you reduce the pube area significantly, it suddenly makes the belly and thighs look rounder and broader, even if they are naturally quite trim.

And going totally bald is not an option for me. Too weird. And don’t get me started on clipping out cute little novelty shapes like hearts and arrows - what are you – 12 years old?

I’m sorry. The triangle in this case reigns supreme.

So there’s the look covered. But then there’s the feel. Shaving/waxing the rug made the entire area painful, irritated and overly sensitive in a bad way. Not just during the waxing/shaving, but pretty much ALL THE FUCKING TIME - Whenever it rubbed up against clothing, or a cock, or a thigh. And fo’chrissake, this is a part of the body which is supposed to feel awesome when rubbed, not irritated and harassed and ANGRY.

Don’t worry” people said. “The skin just needs to get used to it, and it will get better.” And after months and months it got slightly better, but it was still irritating and painful too much of the time, and frankly, the cunt deserves better.

And then, and then, worst of all - The Regrowth. 

Unless you are a coddled, PA’ed celebrity, there are going to be times when you are too busy to go to the waxer, or to keep up with the every-few-days shaving regimen. And That Means Stubble. The dainty, women’s mag word regrowth is a stupid euphemism. It’s fucking stubble. And is there anything worse than genital stubble? No, really. If you think pubes are unfeminine and unsightly, how much more unfeminine is STUBBLE?

And stubble or regrowth or whatever you want to call it means itch. The worst, most unholy, most persistantly irritating itch, which you can’t even scratch because to do so would make you look like a pervert. You just have to bear it - 

you know that woman you’ve seen on the train, who wears a sour-lemon grimace and scowls at every passenger? She is actually a nice person, but she hasn’t shaved for several days, and is Battling The Itch From Hell Which Cannot Be Scratched, and she is wondering how the fuck she is going to get through the day without ducking into the office toilets every 5 minutes for some scratch-relief.   

I don’t have an STD, so why would I want to simulate the nasty, itchiness of having one, without any of the sympathy or street cred … (oh, I’m joking here of course. Use a franger and stay safe. And don’t do drugs, stay in school, etc).  

So there you go. The look sucks, and the feel sucks. What do the men I’ve encountered think, anyway?

Real, actual men - as in ones I have dated and had sex with – are too busy coming and groaning to care. I have asked all of them if the hair bothered them, in such a way that made it seem like I was asking them if they wanted me to dehair (even though I’d already decided I wouldn’t again), just so they would give me an honest answer. All said they didn’t care, and one said it was kind of a thrill to encounter pubes again, since these days any cunt between the ages of 21 and 35 has usually been clipped and tweezed and sculpted with a square ruler and spirit level. 

So. The actual, tangible, fuckable men I have encountered do not care.

But internet men, on the other hand … well, you know the score. Whenever two or more men congregate on the internet, eventually the conversation will turn to how EEEEVIL and SCAAAARY cunt hair is, and how all women have a duty to obliterate it. Even if the man doesn’t know the woman and has no chance of ever seeing her cunt, it’s still her duty to be freshly shaven and/or waxed … because, you know  *schoolboyish snickers*, pube hair is icky, innit. 

And frankly, these boys can STFU and GTFO, for obvious reasons. 

And those other internet guys, the ones who try and argue that the point of a dehaired cunt is not, in fact, its porny, stripperish appeal, and that there are other, crucial reasons for its neccessity, you can GTFO too.

Since: 

 - No, pubes are not unhygenic, because in the fortunate west where running water is a right, who the fuck struggles to keep their genitalia hygenic anyway? 

 - And no. Pubes don’t interfere with oral sex, because the important bits aren’t covered in hair anyway. If you struggle to perform oral sex on an unshaven cunt, then your technique needs work, not the cunt.

As it stands, I trim my pubes occasionally, if I feel like it (ie. hardly ever). And that is as far as it goes.

If we are dating, you are free to ask me to shave my cunt, and I am free to say no (which I will, btw). If you nag me about it, I will stop seeing you. Because if you are one of those guys who are too prissy to cope with pubic hair, you are not the sort of guy I wish to associate with (and you’re probably the type who squeals at spiders too).

By the way, I’ve got nothing against women who do wax or shave. If you like it, then enjoy. My problem is not with you – it’s with the legions of internet men who cry and whine and get pissy about stupid stuff like other people’s pubic hair.

Time to grow up, boys.

 

—-

 

I especially welcome insightful, humorous or erotic comments.

But if you are a guy and you just want to call me a slut or a ho or a feminazi or whatever, you may as well save your breath. As I will merely giggle at your inanity and then delete your bitter rubbish.


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